Picking your friends is a privilege?

The last time class met we had a very intriguing conversation. We were talking about values in friendship. Whether our values were dependent on political beliefs or aesthetic similarities. The option was split between polar opposites and we were to discuss which friend we would more readily become close with: a friend who was politically identical yet aesthetically opposite or vice versa. As the conversation progressed a common theme developed. Most of the students in the class would rather someone politically opposite rather than aesthetically opposite. Most students discussed their wide array of friends from different backgrounds and political interests. They discussed the facts that their friends may have different political interests but that it was not something that was shoved in their face constantly. The argument is that aesthetics are harder to ignore.

For the most part I agreed with the class. I want friends who are similar to me, but political values seemed to be much more important to me than the rest of the class. After thinking about it a little more, I realized that it is because political values effect me much more than the majority of the class. I am a second class citizen. As a Gay male, I have fewer rights than a heterosexual. This is why I value politics. There is no way I could be emotionally close to a person who does not believe in same-sex marriage or adoption rights. This is why picking your friends is a privilege.

I can have friends from all different backgrounds, identities and beliefs, but the moment I hear that they are against Queer Rights they move from friend to acquaintance. This is the only political belief that has that much of an effect. No other value directly effects me personally, so I am not fully invested. This is why the class could have friends with all beliefs. They can separate themselves from their political beliefs. They do not have to worry every day if they will be treated equally in the future. They do not have to worry that if their friends don't believe in Queer Rights that maybe their friends believe that being Queer is a choice. This is probably the same for a woman who has had to have an abortion or a student with immigrant parents. If a woman has had an abortion, it is very unlikely that she would be able to be friends with someone who is totally against abortion. It becomes less of a political belief and more of a personal attack.

Aesthetics are more about comfort. You can be yourself and not worry about your friends thinking you are weird if you have similar aesthetics. This comfort is a primary value for friendship. I agree it is extremely important to feel comfortable around your friends. Friends that are opposite you aesthetically are much harder to feel comfortable around. It is not impossible though. It is all about understanding. If you open your mind and really pay attention, you can understand everything about a person. They may be different but once you understand them you can build that comfort. This comfort is impossible to create if my friend does not believe in Queer Rights. I will be uncomfortable no matter how hard I try. This is why politics are much more important to a minority. The majority has the privilege of ignoring political difference.